BERT: All the stuff you don't care about.


Yup, here it is folks, the boring FAQ on the guy who built the site. I personally think I'm interesting so I'm writing this anyway. If you don't care, then ask yourself one small question - "Why am I here?".


First of all, let's get the stats out of the way shall we? ...Well, I'm going to anyway, so tough!

Name: Bert (and that's all you're getting folks)
Age: 20 (soon to change)
Hair: Yup. Dark brown and long (Perfect length to find coiled around throat upon awakening)
Eyes: Hazel (or as they should really be described - greeny-brownish)
Height: 6 ft 1 inch (I think)
Weight: The weighing scales don't register
Star sign: Gemini (The Twin)

And now a little about me...

Well, first of all (and to clear the proverbial air) I AM GAY. Yup, you're on a gay guy's site. Disturbed? Worried? Thinking of leaving? Well, no need cause it's not THAT kind of site, it's just a general interest thing. Anyway... yes... I'm gay and have been now for about 5 years, this was of course after a brief stint of Bisexual-ness (A confusing time).

As stated I'm 20 years old and have been for nearly a year now, and am still getting used to this whole being an adult thing and the perverse pleasure that accompanies the title. My career track is (or was till I was fired) carework, a very rewarding and fufilling occupation, I'm led to believe. My ideal job would be one that involves a small room away from the public and lots of rubber wallpaper to play with or failing that, something in musical theatre (Hey, I can dream can't I?!) It's not that I'm the moody outcasty type... well I am... but the point is I really (And I mean really) hate having to deal with people. Working in carework is a good example of the stupidity you can encounter. Example:-

RELATIVE: I've come to see mum
BERT: Erm... name please?
RELATIVE: My mum
BERT: I get that. The problem is, we have about 18 ladies in the home at the moment and the majority have children. You need to be more specific.
RELATIVE: Oh i see! I'm here to see MY mother.
BERT: Look. I can't walk into the sitting room and say "Mum, your daughter's here" can I? You'll end up with half the room speeding towards the door. So if I can just have the name, I can let you come in and you can take ya fricken pick of the 'mums'on offer. OK?!

And the worst part is, I got this every dammed day. Eventually I started to recognise some of them, which made it easier, others were just a non-descript blur of annoyance. And here I shall shut up about my work life. I may include a rant somewhere else on the site, but for now I'll be quiet and move on...

Right. About a year ago I was still living with my parents. I say living, it was more a 'I-stayed-upstairs-and-avoided-them' type of deal. It's not because I hated them or anything, it was mainly down to a simple choice (A) My Room: safe, warm, occasionally clean. Up there I have internet, TV, VCR, consoles and all the other little perks of modern life. Or (B) Downstairs. Choking fumes of cigarettes, parents sulking at each other, forced labour in the tea making department and to cap it off... Soap operas. The votes are in and it's (A) by a land slide. Other than that, I got on fine with my parents:-). I won't delve too deep into my family. I'll conclude by saying I have a sibling and various related offshoots (BTW if any of them are reading this, I'm not being rude, I'm just not profiling you all on the internet... Oh and SUPRISE on the gay issue... er... ha ha)

My living arrangements have now changed. I now co-rent a lovely little house with my dear freind Ceefax (A person I now know I couldn't live without *gush*). No, really, she has financial stability and can spell check this lot... she's an asset.

And now more about me;-)

What am I? By this I mean, how am I classed by society (Do I care? ...Not really). Well here's a list of some of the definitions I've been saddled with:-
Weirdo (Ya better believe it, baby)
Greebo (Exsqueeze me?)
Queer boy (Cause I have long hair. No, really, that was an actual reason given to me)
Goth (Cause I happen to wear black once in a while)
Skater (Because I do)

Of all the above, I suppose I'd be closest to Skater (dress wise). Yet as I said, I don't care. I'm Bert, and that's the end of it. Throughout my early years, I was the quiet little thing in the corner, the one that's easily picked on. Then, as time went on, I gained more friends and in time they warped my fragile innocent mind, until I became this obscure bouncy thing with a tendancy to make odd noises for no apparent reason (I LIIIIIVVVVEEEE!!!!!). Nowadays, when faced with a confrontation, I either let it go and ignore it, or yell at the top of my lungs until I win the argument (I had about 8 full blown arguments with my boss at my last care home. I always won. What was I saying about being fired...?). I don't like to argue though. It makes me feel all ill afterwards (Though admittedly I like the rush of a good yell now and again).

BTW brief rant about the skater thing. I'm a quad skater. I don't own a skateboard and never intend to, and some may say "Well you're not really a skater then, are you." Point: Quad skates were around long before skateboards appeared. Besides, either way you're moving along the ground using wheels. Of course, with a board, the advantage is all the wheels are going in the same direction, whereas with quads you have 8 wheels to deal with, which in my experience tend to go in opposite directions. I may include a section on skating at a later date, if I can be bothered that is.

Now, with regards to recreation type stuff, I don't smoke, I rarely drink ( So what does he do?) What do you think?... No... sorry, couldn't help myself. No, I don't smoke, and yes, I will drink alkeehol when I'm in a situation to do so, which isn't often. Nor do I often go out (Brief pause while you all picture a pastey, bespecktacled computer freak with wall to wall pictures of Gillian Anderson). Well, that's not me. Ok, I spend a lot of time on the internet, but it's called Broadband, darlings, and there's so much I haven't seen (Ok, I admit most of that's porn, but hey, we all have our guilty pleasures). Of course I do occasionally turn off the PC and do something else. I sometimes write, though not as much as I used to (which is a pity cause I'm quite good, not to blow my own trumpet or anything). I also read... a lot. My latest passions are WIZARD OF OZ books and random 18th centuary literature for some obscure reason. Add, of course, to this the obligitory large amounts of computer gaming. I'm not excessive on computer games, though I do own: a Playstaion, Playstation 2, A Dreamcast, An N64 and 2 Gameboys. Then you add the fact that Ceefax owns: Also a Playstaion, a SNES, A Commodore 64 (Retro!), and no less than 3 (yes 3) Gameboys. Add to this the 2 PCs and we come to a grand total of 14 (I think) game capable machines (and I'm currently eyeing up a Game Cube(sigh).

Another aspect about me (that not everyone realises) is that I have tattoos. Ok, I'm not asking you all to gasp in shock and suprise here, because I know they aren't exactly a rare occurance, but still, I'm gonna mention them. In total I have 6 tattoos in numerous locations. This, you may say, is an excessive amount, but I have freinds with at least 13+ and I don't think they intend to stop anytime soon. For more rantings (and pics) on tattoos then go take a look in the tattoo section.

I don't have any piercings though, cause they just creep me out for some reason (odd really).

Conclusion:

Mainly cause I can't think of anything else to write...

I am Bert, always have been and always will be. My life is average (or odd, depending on how you view it) and my world is far from secure. No doubt this will be expanded on, when I either do something interesting or get bored

So until then enjoy the site... or don't enjoy it. If you're not enjoying it, why are you reading down this far?


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